Every
Friday night we bless
couples on significant,
milestone anniversaries.
It is a special time within
our service, and I am
always thrilled to participate
in the celebration of
members’ life cycle
events. At 5 years a young
couple marks the beginning
of their lives together;
and at 50 years, we present
the couple with a certificate,
because when you get to
50 years with the same
person, you deserve one.
The blessing we most often
recite warms our hearts,
as we say: “In the
fullness of this day’s
joy we turn in thanksgiving
to the Eternal Source
of blessing. We give thanks
for the strength that
has preserved and sustained
this couple and permitted
them to reach this hour.
In the midst of family
and loved ones, they look
back in reverent and grateful
reminiscence upon the
years that have passed
since first they pledged
their hearts to one another.
They recall the joys that
sweetened their lives
and remember the storms
that shook them to their
very roots. In bliss and
trial alike, O God, You
have been with them and
in them, so may You continue
to bless them with Your
presence in the years
to come.”
Interesting, isn’t
it that in this traditional
anniversary blessing,
there is no mention of
the individuals who make
up the couple. It doesn’t
use the terms husband
and wife or man and woman;
it simply says, couple.
We have chosen this prayer
because we are celebrating
the commitment to a life
together, and that life
together is all about
being a couple. There
are couples in our congregation
who have never been blessed
for an anniversary in
this sanctuary. Couples
who have made a commitment
to one another for years;
couples who are raising
children together; couples
who have “recalled
the joys that sweetened
their lives and remembered
the storms which shook
them to their very roots.”
For many of them, they
would never have imagined
it would be possible to
be blessed on a milestone
anniversary of their commitment
to one another, and that
saddens me. Gay and lesbian
couples should have the
same opportunity to be
blessed on their relationship
within the community they
support and are a part
of just as any heterosexual
couple.
This issue of equal access
of the GLBT community
is not new here at Temple
Israel. While it may be
a sensitive subject for
some, and I understand
that, I include this piece
of history in my remarks
as my way of closure.
Along with Rabbi Black,
I was a part of the first
Gay/Lesbian task force
created by Rabbi Pinsky
in the late ’80s.
That task force changed
our definition of membership
from “families”
to “households,”
to be more inclusive.
Because of the climate
within the congregation
at that time, the task
force ended before our
work was completed. Several
years later, Rabbi Kanter
came out as a gay man
to this community by giving
a sermon from this pulpit.
He left temple soon after.
In 1994 a committee was
created to investigate
commitment ceremonies
and anniversary blessings
for Gay and lesbian couples
at Temple Israel. That
committee created a full
educational agenda and
diligently spoke to our
congregation about being
inclusive of Gay and lesbian
individuals, couples,
and families. The results
were mixed. At that time
it was affirmed that commitment
ceremonies would be performed
by our rabbis in the sanctuary
or the chapel for two
Jews who are gay or lesbian,
and private blessing be
given for an anniversary.
However, the more public
blessing during Friday
night Sabbath services
would not be granted to
these couples. The result
of this decision was difficult,
and every gay and lesbian
member of the task force
left temple, for which
I cannot blame them.
While our history concerning
the inclusion of gay and
lesbian couples has been
difficult, it is time
to move forward. Being
in this congregation for
16 years allows me the
ability to say, “It
will be all right, better
yet, our community will
be better off as we include
gay and lesbian families
into all of our life cycle
moments. It is because
of our history that we
will be a stronger community
when we celebrate those
special moments in the
lives of all our congregants.
Just think about it; we
already do so much. We
name and bless babies
whose parents are gay;
we celebrate the b’nai
mitzvah ceremonies of
these families; and we
bury the grandparents
and parents of gay and
lesbian Jews.
It is time to reconcile
our past, and to come
full circle, by blessing
gay and lesbian couples
in this sanctuary during
Friday night Sabbath services.
While this decision remains
under the purview of the
senior rabbi, I am proud
to say that I have received
the full support of our
Board of Directors and
Leadership Council as
well.
Friends, we are not alone.
Many Reform congregations
throughout the country
and the movement as a
whole have wrestled with
the issue of including
gay and lesbian members
of congregations, rabbis,
cantors and educators.
Much has been done. In
the late 1970s, both the
Central Conference of
Reform Rabbis (CCAR) and
the Union of American
Hebrew Congregations now
known as the Union of
Reform Judaism (URJ) were
on record as seeking to
decriminalize homosexual
acts between consenting
adults and opposing all
discrimination based on
sexual preference. For
the movement this was
a civil rights issue.
By 1990 the CCAR passed
a resolution stating that
“all rabbis regardless
of their sexual orientation
be accorded the opportunity
to fulfill the sacred
vocation which they have
chosen.”
In 1996, the Reform movement
put out this handbook,
for congregations to move
toward blessing gay and
lesbian couples, and working
toward total inclusion
of gay and lesbian individuals,
couples and families.
At a conference for the
Reconstructionist movement,
Max Levi, a Holocaust
survivor and father of
a gay son, said it better
than any resolution. He
said it from the heart,
“I have learned
in the most painful way
possible, that if bigots
aren’t stopped at
the beginning, they grow
stronger. They feed on
our reluctance to stand
with one another, and
before long, they attack
us all. Rather than seeing
homosexuality as a threat
to the Jewish community,
let us understand that
the exclusion of committed,
energetic and talented
individuals out of prejudice
and fear is a far greater
threat to our collective
survival. Rather than
seeing homosexuality as
a threat to our families,
let us begin to heal those
families that have been
torn apart by our inability
to accept gay brothers
and lesbian sister, sons
and daughters, mothers
and fathers. Rather than
seeing homosexuality as
a threat to society, let
us recognize that none
of us are truly safe or
free in a society that
cannot embrace human difference.”
Now, I am not so naïve
to assume that blessing
gay and lesbian couples
will not be uncomfortable
for some. The fear and
unfamiliarity of Gay and
Lesbian people is a part
of our society. It can
be heard on the playgrounds
at school, when kids call
one another fag or queer.
We have heard it as a
response to Gay marriage
in the expression of fear
by some who assume that
gay and lesbian marriage
will somehow threaten
their own heterosexual
marriage. We heard it
loud and clear when 11
states passed constitutional
amendments banning gay
marriage acts this past
election. Did you know
that gay and lesbian bashing,
including murder, continues
to be the fastest growing
hate crime in America,
and that 30 to 35 percent
of teenage suicides are
gay and lesbian teens?
This is about people’s
lives, and confronting
our homophobia and the
homophobia of those around
us is the antidote to
that fear. In addition,
we lose sight of the basic
rights and privileges
that heterosexual people
take for granted everyday.
We never think twice about
holding hands in public,
we never look around to
see who is watching when
we kiss our partner goodbye
on the street. Some will
say, why be so public
about being gay and lesbian?
There are some who are
most comfortable with
a “don’t ask,
don’t tell”
policy.
Others might think that
gay and lesbian individuals
want too much, and are
pushing too hard, demanding
special privileges. It
would be laughable were
it not tragic, when all
they seek is equality,
the basic rights we take
for granted. Imagine being
a child whose parents
are gay or lesbian, never
hearing your parents’
names called for an anniversary
blessing. The message
we send is that your family
is invisible, or even
worse unaccepted. For
me, tolerance is not enough;
it is merely a first step
toward a more powerful
goal -- the celebration
and blessing of GLBT families.
My view of this lies in
a basic belief that sexual
preference is determined
for a person and not by
a person. Ten percent
of the population is estimated
to be gay or lesbian.
This means that 26 to
27 million Americans,
and at least 600,000 Jews,
are gay or lesbian. With
these statistics we can
assume that in every synagogue
there are inevitably families,
which include gay members.
Now, you may be thinking,
“But, Rabbi, doesn’t
it say negative things
in the Torah about same
sex relationships? Doesn’t
it say in Lev 20:13, ‘If
a man lies with a male
as one lies with a woman,
the two of them have done
an abhorrent thing; they
shall be put to death-their
blood guilt is upon them.’”
This verse has been at
the very center of controversy
in the religious world
of late. It separates
halachic Jews from liberals
Jews and the political
right from the political
left. But every one of
these groups would be
hard pressed to accept
everything in the bible
at its word. No longer
do we have a woman marry
her rapist, no longer
do we have slaves and
no longer do we stone
children to death when
they are disrespectful
towards their parents.
That is what it means
to be a liberal Jew, to
be able to choose, after
much study, how Judaism
directs our lives. Jewish
law has a vote, but not
a veto. To this end, we
balance Lev. 20 with the
other dominant teachings
in the Torah such as “Love
they neighbor as yourself;”
“Do not hate another
in your heart.”
And “we are all
created in God’s
image.” These are
the teachings of Judaism
that guide me. These concepts
demand that we uphold
the words of Isaiah inscribed
on the front of our synagogue,
“May this house
be a house of prayer for
all peoples.” When
we truly live by this
precept we will be the
strongest and healthiest
congregational community
we can be.
We have a tag line, relatively
new here at Temple Israel,
that reads: “Temple
Israel is a sanctuary
of Jewish values.”
On that note, let me echo
the words of my friend
and colleague, the Rev.
Jim Gertmenian of Plymouth
Congregational Church,
who spoke recently to
the GLBT community and
their families: “This
is a sanctuary where your
lives will be celebrated,
and your loves blessed,
and your relationships
honored.”
